speechless though my heart

I have a mildly addictive personality.
It's a characteristic that goes back as far as I can remember - I've always had some kind of fascination that has penetrated farther into my brain than its competitors.

The first example I can remember is acting, back when I was 13. I wanted nothing more than to act, I loved it, my favorite place in the world was the stage.
The next big love was country music, when I was 16. I knew every song Tim McGraw sang, I shared Brad Paisley CDs with the Vice Principal (this was back when burning CDs was cool), I saw Kenny Chesney EVERY time he came to town, I even taught myself Phil Vassar songs on the piano. My high school graduation invitation featured me in a cowboy hat.
As a college freshman, I fell hard for Greek life. I wasn't that interested when I pledged, but soon enough I was on the executive board and living in the sorority house. I wore my letters proudly & almost didn't travel to Europe because it hurt to leave the house.
Then as I was studying abroad, my new love became traveling. Everything was based around traveling. Friends followed me as I navigated towns I hadn't even heard of a year prior and when I met strangers in hostels, I hopped online to show them the cheap-travel websites I'd been browsing. I counted my life in euros, frequent flyer miles, maps checked off on my wall and time zone changes.
I finally got a "grown up job" and my new obsession became the Boston Red Sox. Because so many people are Sox-obsessed and I had to prove myself even harder due to my status as a "Pink Hat," I really allowed this addiction to run its course. I memorize stats, I inform strangers about probable pitchers for the upcoming homestand, I build my travel plans around where the Sox would be (in two years I've seen the Sox in 4 states). Hell, I even named my cat after my favorite player, because they both talk too much, have the same napoleon complex, and the cat is almost as hairy.

I try to guide and control my obsessions, but sometimes it feels like they become bigger than I am. I've tried in the past to make my interests - politics, yoga, wine, HIV/AIDS prevention, photography - into this level of addiction, but it's almost like they just don't take, for lack of a better term.

So why do I bring this up?
I could be totally wrong, but I think I'm finding my next Big Love: running.

I know I'm just getting started, but my brain is wrapping its head around this interest with an intensity that I haven't felt in years (since about February 2007, when the Sox reported to spring training). I'm re-arranging my schedule to fit in jogs - even waking up early, when I HATE mornings. I'm discovering websites to come up with new routes and techniques. I find myself hearing new songs and thinking how good they'd be on the road. I drive somewhere new and consider how nice it would be to run that path.

After I got that MNQ from the Peace Corps, I think I developed an unacknowledgeable fear that I would never feel that passionate intensity again. As I mentioned, I may be wrong and running may NOT be my Next Big Thing ... but it feels fantastic to be this excited about something new. I've previously alluded to my love for songs that really use the physicality of humanity to describe the thrill of Christianity and the song that comes to mind now is Charlie Hall's "Bravery" ... maybe the connection's only in my head, but WTF, this is my blog and IdowhatIwant.

And as we talked I was speechless [[though my heart pounded]]
And as we walked a little while I knew that I'd been found
And here I am no more disguised, no longer grounded
I see it clear: I am Yours. I am Yours.

And You are breath-taking and breath-giving.

Doesn't my heart burn within me?
Doesn't my heart burn within me?
Doesn't my heart burn within me?

Run - C25K W7D3

I tend to over-research, so back when I was starting this Couch-to-5K journey, I remember reading here that there seems to be a track record of dropping out after about 4-5 weeks.

I can see why. The last time I wrote was three weeks ago, when I was struggling through this very place where most people struggle. I definitely considered quitting and the knowledge that a great percentage of people quit at that point was of initial consolation to me. As my internal monologue and lack of blogging show, I was tired and disheartened and wasn't sure I'd be able to do it.

This morning I ran 2.58 miles. It took longer than the 25 minute alternative proposed by Cool Runnings (probably about 35 plus/minus for warmup/cooldown). It wasn't nonstop - I took a quick break at every red light and sometimes in between. Unfortunately I forgot to turn on my Nike+ at first and didn't realize it till I'd completed the first mile (that one was non-stop!!), so it's hard for me to gauge all my metrics (because my time on this should be ~ double) ... but that's ok.



W7D3 is the fouth day in the program of attempting to run 25 minutes without walking and it was the first days that I really felt like I was able to achieve that. I've been aching through the runs since about week 6 and today felt like a major victory.

I'm not pretending to be some glorious distance runner now that I'm over the hump of the C25K - by no means can I even fake that. However, I think there are some things that I can credit for helping me jump that particular hurdle and set me up for jumping future hurdles, such as:

- the C25K iPhone app - especially for those days of walk5-run5-walk3-run8-walk3-run5-walk5, it was SO helpful to zone out and wait for some to tell me "ding ding, run!"
- a Lenten resolution to run every other day. Aside from the time on the cruise ship when running made me a bit seasick, I've been pretty good at sticking to this. Even if the run sucked, the impetus behind it of making that Lenten sacrifice got me on the road when other things wouldn't have.
- a supplemental Lenten resolution to listen to only Christian music while running. The frequency resolution got me out the door, but this one kept me going ... because there's something about Charlie Hall singing "My dead heart now is beating / my deepest sins now clean / Your breath fills up my lungs / Now I'm free, now I'm free" or Ben Walther's "The soles of my shoes are worn right through / and I've walked the whole world searching for Your Face / I won't be far away."
- Nike+ is great for a metric nerd like me, who wants to know exactly how far I've run and what my pace is. And while I know it sometimes makes me seem faster than I am, it still gives me a fantastic gauge of my progress.

Alright, I'm out ... looking forward to W8D1 on Friday of a 28-minute straight run. Hopefully this time I'll remember to start the clock on my iPod so I don't have to corrupt the results to log my miles!