It's a characteristic that goes back as far as I can remember - I've always had some kind of fascination that has penetrated farther into my brain than its competitors.
The first example I can remember is acting, back when I was 13. I wanted nothing more than to act, I loved it, my favorite place in the world was the stage.
The next big love was country music, when I was 16. I knew every song Tim McGraw sang, I shared Brad Paisley CDs with the Vice Principal (this was back when burning CDs was cool), I saw Kenny Chesney EVERY time he came to town, I even taught myself Phil Vassar songs on the piano. My high school graduation invitation featured me in a cowboy hat.
As a college freshman, I fell hard for Greek life. I wasn't that interested when I pledged, but soon enough I was on the executive board and living in the sorority house. I wore my letters proudly & almost didn't travel to Europe because it hurt to leave the house.
Then as I was studying abroad, my new love became traveling. Everything was based around traveling. Friends followed me as I navigated towns I hadn't even heard of a year prior and when I met strangers in hostels, I hopped online to show them the cheap-travel websites I'd been browsing. I counted my life in euros, frequent flyer miles, maps checked off on my wall and time zone changes.
I finally got a "grown up job" and my new obsession became the Boston Red Sox. Because so many people are Sox-obsessed and I had to prove myself even harder due to my status as a "Pink Hat," I really allowed this addiction to run its course. I memorize stats, I inform strangers about probable pitchers for the upcoming homestand, I build my travel plans around where the Sox would be (in two years I've seen the Sox in 4 states). Hell, I even named my cat after my favorite player, because they both talk too much, have the same napoleon complex, and the cat is almost as hairy.
I try to guide and control my obsessions, but sometimes it feels like they become bigger than I am. I've tried in the past to make my interests - politics, yoga, wine, HIV/AIDS prevention, photography - into this level of addiction, but it's almost like they just don't take, for lack of a better term.
So why do I bring this up?
I could be totally wrong, but I think I'm finding my next Big Love: running.
I know I'm just getting started, but my brain is wrapping its head around this interest with an intensity that I haven't felt in years (since about February 2007, when the Sox reported to spring training). I'm re-arranging my schedule to fit in jogs - even waking up early, when I HATE mornings. I'm discovering websites to come up with new routes and techniques. I find myself hearing new songs and thinking how good they'd be on the road. I drive somewhere new and consider how nice it would be to run that path.
After I got that MNQ from the Peace Corps, I think I developed an unacknowledgeable fear that I would never feel that passionate intensity again. As I mentioned, I may be wrong and running may NOT be my Next Big Thing ... but it feels fantastic to be this excited about something new. I've previously alluded to my love for songs that really use the physicality of humanity to describe the thrill of Christianity and the song that comes to mind now is Charlie Hall's "Bravery" ... maybe the connection's only in my head, but WTF, this is my blog and IdowhatIwant.
And as we talked I was speechless [[though my heart pounded]]
And as we walked a little while I knew that I'd been found
And here I am no more disguised, no longer grounded
I see it clear: I am Yours. I am Yours.
And You are breath-taking and breath-giving.
Doesn't my heart burn within me?
Doesn't my heart burn within me?
Doesn't my heart burn within me?
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