Big weight milestone!

Almost 4 years ago, I applied for the Peace Corps. Two years into the process, I went through their rigorous medical screening process and was diagnosed with Grave's Disease - a condition in which my thyroid sometimes goes into overdrive without warning. It's almost inconsequential in my day-to-day life, but it was enough for the Peace Corps to say, "Umm, no thanks."
I had to meet with an endocrinologist to get some of the paperwork completed and it was in his office that I realized that my lifestyle was unsustainable. While Grave's may not be life-threatening, being at the endocrinologist was a reminder I was on my way to a whole 'nother host of metabolic syndromes, such as type 2 diabetes and its tie-in with glaucoma (which I'm already at high-risk for).

Anyway, long story short, because of all the myriads of tests and vaccinations I had to go through, I ended up with a copy of all my medical records from my pediatrician. And after I was, as they say in PC-speak, MNQed (medically not qualified) ... I took a look at the records as I tried to figure out a new plan for my future.

That's when I saw the weight chart. I had never really paid attention to what I weighed until I had to go to all these doctor visits for PC and got weighed every time I saw any medical professional ... but looking back at my history, I saw how my weight had always been at least 20lbs over the recommended weight for my height/age. And I saw how my weigh-in in 2000, at the age of 16, was 190lbs. And seeing that number at the age of 24 (weight: 218), I was astonished and think I made an unconscious vow to beat that number of 190lbs.

Well, today, I hit it: 189.6lbs!

I couldn't have told you in 2007 that weighing 190 would also mean wearing a size 10 and being able to run 5 miles, I just knew I wanted to beat my 16 y/o self. I guess a part of me never believed that I could even get/stay below 200lbs. (And with the approx-6-month plateau I hit at 200, I had good reason to doubt.)

I was talking to a friend about this milestone & she asked me what my goal weight was. And that's when I realized: I don't really have a goal weight. I mean, I gained weight so slowly and consistently that I don't have a memory of a time when I was at a good weight, a place where I could say "I feel healthy here" the way that so many people do. I feel like my weight-loss process has been so long and intensive that setting an arbitrary "goal weight" sort of ... I don't know, it limits my goals and ambitions, if that makes sense.

I think I might just keep pushing myself, and wherever my body stops is where it's meant to be. BMI charts say that the "healthy" weight for my height (5'8") is somewhere between 125-160 ... but honestly, I don't know how much I buy into the BMI. I prefer the Health at Every Size concept of a "setpoint weight," where your body feels comfortable. I'm pretty sure that my genes/body type would dictate that I would look ridiculous at 5'8" and 125lbs ... but I think I could be ok to strive for somewhere in the 150-160 range ... but at this point, I'm pretty happy with 190 and wouldn't begrudge 175 either!

While I'm elated to be hovering around 190, it's also not exactly real in my head. I know people say "weight is just a number" and to a certain extent, I think I buy into that more than most, as it isn't something that I really started thinking about or monitoring until about 2 years ago.
However, the changes in clothing size is really messing with me. I wore a size 14-16 for so long that I wearing a 10 is a funny feeling. Like I remember maybe 4-5 years ago thinking to myself that my body probably wouldn't ever get back down to a size 2 (where I was at age 8) but wouldn't it be great to wear a 10? because that's the lowest I could imagine myself.
So right now, today, I'm at 190 and wearing a size 10. That means that by 175-180, I could be wearing an 8. "But ..." my inner monologue says, "eight? That's what skinny girls wear!" (You know you've got body dysmorphia issues when ...;) )

I'm in uncharted territory here. These ideas about being a size "medium," while exciting, are out of my comfort zone in terms of my self-image. I'm really enjoying the thrill of all these new experiences ... while simultaneously not trying to be freaked out by coming to terms with the fact that I've been selling myself short for years. It will take time, but I am on my way to re-inventing my self-identity. And it is thrilling.

10 lbs!

From 202.8 on Jan 4, finally got down to 192.8 today.

Let's face it: I basically kick ass.

Losing weight is expensive!

Now here comes to bitchy post that will cause resentment (even from my future self), but I gotta say it:
Losing weight is expensive!

I'm not even talking about the cost of food (though I do seem to drop a fair amount more per pound at the Farmer's Market than the grocery store) or gym membership (worth every penny). I'm not even talking about "time-is-money" expensive (though I did spend 2 hours running, 1.5 hours in yoga class and 1.5 hours with the trainers last week).

I'm talking about new clothes.

I'm in the slow process of downgrading my pants from size 12 down to 10. It's really exciting - I literally jumped around and did a little dance in the Ann Taylor LOFT fitting room the first time I got a size 10 to zip up (especially since the khakis were on sale!) - but also, in a way, not cool at all. What about all the awesome size 14 and 16 jeans that I invested in? What about all the dresses that are suddenly baggy, or my favorite sweaters that look like they're hanging off of me? I love those clothes! I spent years amassing that wardrobe ... and now, POOF, I look stupid in all of it!

I don't know what to do with the old clothes - I like them too much to donate them (I'm selfish and they have a lot of sentimental value) and I also fear that some day I'll re-gain the weight and be upset that I gave them away. Should I hang on to them because I'm anticipating failure? Wouldn't a closet full of only clothes the right size be a motivator instead of a deterrent?

I'm not sure what I think about it anymore, I just know that pretty soon, I may need to get another job in order to pay off my new wardrobe. And it will totally be worth it.

Why I Run

A few days ago I got a postcard from my friend Tim. He wrote it with his mom, who saw on facebook that I had been running more & wanted to know why. “Are you going to run a marathon?” they asked on the postcard.

At first, I was glad that they noticed my newfound interest, but after a few days, the question on the postcard kind of got under my skin, because I couldn’t figure out a witty, postcard friendly response back as to why I run.

So I took this question, “why are you running?” out on the road with me for my Saturday long run. Here’s what I came up with:

I run because … I didn’t think I could.

· I started running with the Cool Running’s Couch-to-5K program and at first, I could barely pump out the 2-3 minute running drills … but as I continued, I watched my stamina grow and my strength increase, and I liked that feeling.

· From that first time out, I’ve been continually impressed at how my body has stepped up to the challenges of pushing harder and harder. Today, I wasn’t sure when I stepped out the door if I’d be able to go 5 miles, but at around 55 minutes and 4.6 miles, I knew that I’d be able to crank out not only 5 miles, but probably give it a little more after that. (Finished 5.25 mi in 1:08.)

I run because … I like the music.

· Running gives me the right to compile all my guilty pleasure songs into one playlist, from Michael Jackson to Kevin Rudolf.

· There’s something thrilling about half-dancing in a public place with the chance that someone may be watching – for example, when I mimic raising my glass to the “L’Chaim” moment in Black Eyed Peas’ “I Gotta Feeling.”

· Like Kanye West says in “New Workout Plan,” I’m aspiring to get an NBA player as a boyfriend and feel less guilty about it when I run to this.

· It gives me something to talk about when I meet up with Corey Paige – which Candid songs really get me to hit my stride.

I run because … the economy needs consumer stimulation.

· I would feel terrible if Brooks shoes went under. That’s why I keep buying their newest model, without fail, every 4-6 months. (Currently running in Dyad 5’s.)

· Plus, I would feel even worse if I spent $100 on shoes and then let them sit alone in my closet. “Brilliant shoes are meant to be worn” is one of my life mantras and it applies just as equally to running sneakers as it does to my favorite strappy Mary-Jane Cole Haans.

· On top of it, running has a ton of technology that I love to tap into – not only the shoes and jackets and sports bras and socks (yes, I have special running socks so I don’t get blisters) – but also the Nike+ sensor and iPod receiver. I love technology.

I run because … I not only feel healthier: I am healthier.

· In the past year, my cholesterol has dropped 40 points – my doctor told me that my numbers looked as if I were on lipid inhibitors and added, “Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it, because it’s working.”

· My body has toned up and slimmed down by 15 lbs in the past year . My resting heart rate has dropped. I sleep better at night. I choose healthier foods so as not to “waste” a workout.

· On the other hand, running gives me the right to some guilt-free splurging because I know I’ve already burned the calories I’m about to consume. Favorite Boston-based splurges: Boloco summer burrito and JP Licks Oreo cookie-dough ice cream. Mmmm, just mentioning them makes my mouth water. I think you know where to find me after today’s run …

I run because …. I am a strong, independent woman.

· Living alone, there are some days when the first human interaction I have is on a morning run. I need those faces, because I fear that some day I will become a crazy cat lady – and if the amount of talking I do to my cat is any indication, I’m already on my way.

· I know if I were put in a dangerous situation, I would have self-defense skills … but this way I also know I could take off and outrun the bastard if need be. After kneeing him in the crotch, of course.

I run because … it invigorates me and makes me a better person.

· I always thought it was kind of BS when people said things like this. “You’re moving your legs quickly, how can that make you a better person?” But …

· Running gives me time to clear my head from all the gunk that fills it up the rest of the day.

· Running gets me out into nature and forces me to breathe fresh air and enjoy sunshine.

· Running challenges me to beat my time from weeks and months prior.

· Running gives me time to reflect on the past day and pray for the days ahead.

· Running gets toxicity out of my body through sweat and breath.

· Running makes me feel alive and like whatever else I do, that day has not gone to waste.

And now, for the best part of a good run, I’m going to go reap the best benefit of all: a guilt-free nap. L’Chaim.

(PS In case you don’t believe my reasons, while I was in the process of writing this, Women’s Health posted a very similar article that underscores everything I’ve said here.)

Learn from Every Run

Yesterday I was scheduled for a 4.5 mile run. I knew that I'd been slowly working up to that mileage and I knew that my body would probably be able to handle it - that my heart would keep beating, my lungs would keep inhaling and exhaling in time, my legs would set the pace.
But what I didn't know was my brain could keep up. 4.5 miles? At my average pace (last week I averaged a 12:50 mi), that's just under an hour of running.

So at 9:20 am, I left my house with trepidation en route to the Charles River path. Here are some of the things I discovered:

- Trying to pace myself slower is difficult. I was attempting, for at least my first mile, to average around a 13:30 mile. I had trouble staying that slow ... now that's something I wasn't expecting to experience for a long time!
- Going to bed early isn't the only battery charging I need. Next time, I will fully charge my iPod. I probably left with about 75% battery life, but since I was running to music AND Nike+, it ate up my battery life much more rapidly than I anticipated.
- Don't wear running shorts over 4 miles. Thighs = OUCH. Guess it's back to the tighter capris for running this fall!
- Plan out longer routes in advance - not only because I ran out of power and couldn't use my iPod to gauge distance (which is always a bit off anyway), but also because I forgot that my last mile was uphill. That was poorly planned! I'd rather sprint it out until the end and feel great about myself and walk farther in my cool down than exhaust myself in the last push!

Because of my lack of planning, I only ran 4.2 miles out of my planned 4.5 ... but even so, I completed that 4.2 in 54 minutes, meaning my average pace was 12:55. Not bad for my longest run yet!

According to the schedule set by Runners World's SmartCoach, tomorrow I should do my first speed workout (4 miles) and on Saturday the plan is to run 5 miles. WOW. Let's see if my brain can keep up with my body on this one!

Encouragement from the MD

Two weeks ago, I went to see my doctor. Not only did he give me a referral for Physical Therapy (my right shoulder bugs me, especially when I run, so we decided to get that sorted out), but he also gave me a boost about my weight loss.

The last time I saw him was in February 2008, right after my 24th birthday. I weighed 216lbs (and had lost about 5lbs from when I first started seeing him in October 2007). At my July 2009 weigh-in (fully clothed & full of pee), I tipped the doctor's office scales at 198lbs.

I was elated to hear that number. I think I forgot that I ever weighed that much, so my weight loss seemed much more substantial in that moment. Sure, I have pictures on my wall that show me at heavier weights, but it's almost like those version of me aren't REAL anymore.

But then I got to thinking about it: 18lbs is awesome. But it took 18 months. At that rate, I wouldn't hit 180 lbs until February 2011, when I'll be turning 27. But if I were to lose a pound a week (which is healthy loss) rather than a pound a month, 180lbs would be an attainable goal for the end of 2009.

So much as I appreciate slow weight loss due to its sustainability ... I KNOW I can do better than this. It's not going to be easy, and it may not be consistent, but I will keep tracking and pushing and motivating and working towards a better future for myself.

And I'm well on my way - today I got back my lab results from that visit to the doctor and in the past year, my cholesterol has dropped 41 points.

But the biggest takeaway from that appointment with my doctor are his words, when he looked me in the eye and said, "Keep doing what you're doing. Because obviously, it's working."

Formulaic

I know that theoretically, weight loss should follow two formulas:
1. Calories burned > calories consumed = weight decrease
2. 3500 calories burned = 1 pound lost

Theoretically, these are true.

However, reality can be much less friendly than formulas would have you think. Especially when a system as complex as the human body is concerned. When I really think about the food I consume turning into fuel for propelling me throughout the day -- the proteins building into muscle, the surplus fats storing in case of emergency, the carbs burning for every day energy -- the whole thing just blows my mind. Then throw in other wrenches like stress, hormones, etc, and there's no way that we can pretend to fit our bodies' reactions into these simple formulas.

However, I think I'm starting to figure out a formula that works for me, including but not limited to these principles:
- Consume no more than 1600 net calories a day
- In order to not be starving, work out 5-6 days a week
- Generally that means 5 days of cardio and 3 days of weight training (often they overlap)

... that "formula" of sorts should lose me about a pound a week, by my new fangled calculations.
And it's been working - this morning I weighed in at 197.8! :) Woohoo!

... now let's see if my body can keep it up ...

July 6 weigh-in: 199.8 lbs

Down 2 pounds. Well, it's progress, right?

As for inches, I gained in the chest (booo, no need for that) but lost in the hips (as usual), and, oddly, many extremities. My wrists are the smallest they've ever been, as are my biceps and forearms. These are the kinds of metrics that I take specifically for days like this - when everything seems totally off, I can wrap my thumb and middle finger around my wrist and realize that they overlap more than they have in years. Small comforts.


I can see my pattern of self-sabotage.
I have a weakness for weekends.
I work my ass off during the week - last week I was at the gym every day, and twice on Friday because I had the day off - and I track all my calories religiously.
Then the weekend hits and I eat like I don't care.
For the past two weeks, I have watched myself eat 5 lbs over a weekend, then work it back off during the week. I know that to watch that happen means that it's a lot of liquid weight (some call it water weight, but in truth it's beer weight ;) ).
I watch it happen and it's like I can't stop myself.
Three weeks ago it was an engagement party.
Two weeks ago it was visiting friends.
Last week it was Fourth of July.
Either way, I find an excuse and I gorge.


But I guess the first step towards fixing the problem is to understand the problem. So consider this my first glimmer of understanding.

My first love

Wow, I've been posting a lot this week. Good for me, hopefully it'll create some momentum.

But I had a run-in today with my first love today, and I must admit, it fit me like a glove. A boxing glove.

I've written before about my first time joining a gym in Philadelphia four years ago, and when I moved to Boston in September 2006, one of the first tasks I completed - before even buying a kitchen table - was to join a gym. Partly I did this because I knew I wanted to get fit and lose weight, but partly it was because I was bored at this seemed like the "grown-up" thing to do.

So I worked out at the BSC in Wellesley for about 8 months, going through the motions, until I saw a sign-up for small group classes. Well, I didn't want to run outdoors (icky), I couldn't tell you what a "Pilates Ring" was (still can't), and I certainly didn't need prenatal yoga (and hopefully won't for a long while) ... but there was something that caught my eye: boxing.

I signed up on a whim and I fretted about it for two weeks until the sessions began. What if everyone else knew what they were doing and laughed at me? What if the class was all huge guys with giant muscles who are going to kick my ass? What if I'm so out of shape that I collapse? My inner fears nearly ate me alive, until the first class arrived.

I didn't fall in love at first. Mostly I had pain in my right shoulder (pre-existing condition) and I couldn't believe how terrible I was at jump-roping. But through my 3 eight-week sessions, I slowly gained strength and courage, skills and enthusiasm. I became friends with the only other person in the class and built a good training relationship with the instructor. For the first time in a gym, I knew what I was doing (sort of) and I looked forward to Tuesdays at 6pm. And when it came time for me to leave Boston Sports Club (I moved and there wasn't a convenient location), I knew that the thing that I would miss the most would be boxing.

I never really found a replacement for boxing, and while I love weight training and yoga and running, I don't yet feel as passionate about them as I do about boxing. I wonder if I ever will find another athletic activity that brings me the same levels of euphoria and empowerment that I feel when I'm punching in jabs, crosses, uppercuts and hooks. I don't know that it's really the boxing that I love or the memory of that first time that I thought, "I am strong, I am powerful, I can do this."

You can imagine my excitement when last night, I walked into my personal training gym and was handed a set of boxing gloves by the trainer. We'd done boxing sessions once or twice before, but as part of interval training. This time, I could tell that he had his hands full with some new clients who needed more orientation to activity than I would, and I think he remembered how excited I get every time I get those gloves near a heavy bag, so he just let me go for the full length of time, giving occasional suggestion and also forcing me to take breaks, because I would have forgotten in the midst of my boxing haze.

I'm really happy with my gym right now, but when it comes time to move on again, I think I'm going to try to get back into boxing. I don't know what it is about that sport, but when you find something that makes you feel that alive, you sort of have to follow it, don't you?

Momentary setback

Staring out a window, watching the world go by
Sometimes it's as if time takes too long
Why don't I just take my own life?
But then my better sense kicks in, sit back and take a breath
Why am I thinking like that?
I'm only thinking of myself ...

Slow down boy, relax, a momentary setback
Don't take it so fast

Thanks for the perfect sentiment, Marc Broussard. :)

I'm sure in reading my two entries, as I pushed myself that extra bit and shaved :30 off my mile, you could see it coming: I pushed a little bit TOO hard and started feeling some pretty serious pain in my left calf. It'd been happening for a few days, but today it was to the point that I had to stop running because I knew if I didn't, it could be a REAL problem.

And then I had a thought: This calf pain began about the same time I switched to new shoes, which is also when I started really upping my weekly mileage. I thought I was being careful in my increases, so can the pain be attributed to the new shoes?

So after pulling myself off the treadmill (because OMG IS THE RAIN EVER GOING TO STOP, BOSTON?!), I limped to Marathon Sports in Washington Square and asked for their technical advice. All three employees there were exceedingly helpful as they confirmed my potential suspicions and watched me run in literally every possible way: in the old shoes, barefoot (ok that was just walking), in a stability pair, in a neutral pair, and in four different sizes.

Since we weren't sure of the true cause of the pain, the store manager agreed to extend the return policy slightly so that I could take a week off of running before taking my new Brooks Dyads for a couple of laps. How cool is that?

The part that surprised me the most was my internal response to their diagnosis: I have to take a week off of running? Then start back up slowly? But ... but ... I've worked so hard to get up to four miles, and in a week I have to start back at one! Waaaaaaaaah Rickyyyyyy!
And the worst part: Now I have to forgo the 5K I was hoping to do on Independence Day. But there will be other 5Ks, I'm sure.

I've decided to look at it not as a deterrent from future running, but as a momentary setback - a week off in order to ensure that I will have many weeks and many more runs in my future. This time off is an investment payment to the future runner that I am becoming.

Grace

This past Sunday's Gospel tells the story of Jesus calming a storm:

A violent squall came up and waves were breaking over the boat,
so that it was already filling up.
Jesus was in the stern, asleep on a cushion.
They woke him and said to him,"Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?"
He woke up, rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, "Quiet! Be still!"
The wind ceased and there was great calm.
Then he asked them, "Why are you terrified? Do you not yet have faith?"

I've been thinking a lot about this Gospel and the subsequent homily that I heard, about how often we think that Jesus is "asleep" in our lives just because we don't see His active
movement. I've been thinking and praying about this, especially because lately I've been feeling kind of isolated (though I love living alone, sometimes I also get lonely) and wondering what is keeping me in Boston, given that I have many friends in other cities who are encouraging me to move closer.
Since Sunday, I've been asking God, "Why do I feel like you're asleep? How are you working in my life that I can't see? Why aren't you calming my internal storm of listlessness?"

So you can imagine my surprise when I woke up at 4am and knew the answer:

Running. Fitness. Strength. Health.

Sure, I can pretend that if I lived closer to my friends, I would still care this much about my health. I can assure myself that if I had things to distract me, I would still be running 8-10 miles a week. I can guarantee myself that living closer to other people would be more active because I'd have work-out buddies.
But I'd be lying.

Four years ago in France, I was speaking with a South African seminary student, who explained to me the different types of grace. I've forgotten most of the conversation, but I remember an explanation of one kind of grace, a grace whose entire purpose is to get you out the door to church, or at least in pursuit of God. You may resist the grace, but it is constantly calling you to your knees.

That's where God's been hiding for me: in the grace to get me out the door. This desire to be fit, to be healthy, to be strong - this desire has been planted into my heart. The desire to run and the grace to move me are both God's gifts to me in this time of relative simplicity, so that I may use my body to His greater glory.

And as this all started coming together at 4 this morning, I knew I wasn't going to be able to fall back asleep, so I did the next logical thing: I laced up my shoes and was out the door at 5:30.



I've been trying for weeks to make it 3 miles in under 40 minutes, and somehow, this morning, I knew it was worth another shot. I set my Nike+ for 5K distance, set my iPod to my 2Tim4:7 playlist ("I have fought the fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith"), and I hit the road.

I know I've written about the spiritual value of running to these songs before, and I could go through a short novel about how each of these songs spurs me on; however, with this 4am revelation of grace, there was one song that sums it all up:

Great is Your Faithfulness, O God
You wrestle with the sinner's restless heart
Just as He asked His disciples, "Do you not yet have faith?" in the same way He is patient with me, wrestling through all of my fears and insecurities to get at my heart.
You lead us by still waters into mercy
And nothing can keep us apart
At this point in my running, I was on the Upper Charles River Path, so I looked to my right and saw the "still waters" of the Charles and almost felt a little spring in my step, propelling me forward.
So remember Your people, remember Your children
Remember Your promise, O God
The singer isn't really reminding God, but allowing the thought of God's promises to come back into the collective memory - God doesn't forget His promises, but sometimes we forget all that He has done and all that He continues to do.
Your Grace is enough, Your Grace is enough
Your Grace is enough for me

I read an article with this song's author, Matt Maher, a number of years ago (which of course I can't find now). Matt talked about a time when he was in his mid-20s and kept asking God to give him something to fill the ache of loneliness and God's eventual response was along the lines of, "No Matt, I have to be enough." And Matt took the story of Jacob and layered it over St. Paul's 2 Cor 12:

... a thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan, to beat me, to keep me from being too elated.
Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me,
but he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.
Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

And it was in reflecting on this idea of the thorn of loneliness that I realized that in my weakness and isolation, that is where I can find strength in Him. And it is in my inability to run quickly that I can gain strength and stamina and endurance from Him, for, as many athletes say, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Breaking 13 min mile

NB: Since I recently switched from running with my iPod Touch back to my Nano, I spent the first 1/2 mile of today's workout re-calibrating the Nano to my running pace, so my numbers are a bit askew. But I tried to keep the same pace once I began recording a 5K, which is how I can come up with the number of 3.6 miles (5K plus my pre-planned .5mi) in 46:13. Here's the 5K chart:



Unfortunately at about the 2.5km-to-go point, the iPod started playing a song that naturally picked up my pace, and THEN I hit the hills ... which explains the second half slowdown.
But even so, according to these (only slightly questionable!) calculations, I ran just under 2 miles today in about 20 minutes. Even with the obvious decrease in speed, I still averaged 12:50/mi. If I didn't fear tweaking out my shins, I might have tried to push the length of my run to prove my 4.5 mph speed ... but I'm trying to do this the safe, healthy, injury-free way, so I'll just keep plodding along at my every-so-slightly-increasing pace until I can build all new goals for myself.
Woohoo!

Beating the Rain ... and the Spread

I was very proud of myself yesterday.

I also made it out the door when normally I would have thrown in the towel. The weather was overcast and the forecast called for impending rain, PLUS the Sox-Yankees game was starting at 7:10 ... but I still walked out the door at 6:30 with the intention of going either 3 miles or 45 minutes. And in the 50 minutes that I jogged, I covered 3.5 miles of ground.

I made it home, stretched, walked in and turned on the TV, and watched David Ortiz hit a second-inning home run. I beat the rain by about 5 innings. And most of all, I was just proud that I didn't give in to all of my excuses and got my ass out the door.

------

I'm thinking of signing up for a 5K. There's one 2 towns away in 3 weeks. On July 4.
At first I resisted ("I have a barbeque that afternoon" and "But that's like vacation!") but I'm such a symbolic person that I think I might actually do the 4th of July date, not only because it's convenient, but as a symbol of my independence from my sedentary lifestyle. And cheesily enough, I'm really excited about that metaphor.

June 1 weigh-in: 201.8lbs

Ok, so it's become pretty clear: those weekly weigh-ins? I suck at those.

From September 2008 till March 2009, I was pretty good at recording that information, even if I didn't post it in the most timely manner.

But then? I hit a plateau. And rather than acknowledge it as a plateau and fight through it, I did the easy thing and focused my attention elsewhere. Mostly with the sentiment, "OMG, I don't actually HATE running!"

Then in May, the shit kind of hit the fan. Between finishing my Masters degree and coordinating a $50K fundraiser and entertaining my family and squeezing in a vacation and subsequently getting quite sick, I fell the wagon. I was keeping up as best I could, but my healthy eating failed.

And shockingly, I didn't gain all that much weight, all things considered:
March 2: 198.8
April 5: 199.2
May 3: 200.4
June 1: 201.8

I could pat myself on the back that a three month gain of 3 pounds is not bad at ALL. 3 pounds, I could tell myself, that's just a good shit. But that kind of enabling behavior is what got me to 200+ lbs to begin with. Plus? I worked really hard this fall to get that weight off, so why am I allowing myself to put it back on?

No point to beating myself up over it now; what's done is done. But here are some steps I've taken or am planning to take to get back on track:
- I bought a real scale. A high quality, well-rated one, that shows little changes in an accountable way and doesn't fluctuate a ton and allow me to get away with cheap tricks.
- After 5 weeks off (and giving myself time to enjoy May without guilt), I started back up the food journal on June 1. After just a few days back to tracking, I'm remembering just how hard it is to stay within limits ... but without writing it down, I barely realize all that goes into my mouth. So it's worth the stress and the hassle.
- I'm scheduling a wellness visit with my primary care (I have some necessary bloodwork anyway) and want to get a referral to a dietitian. Hopefully if I bring in a month's worth of food journal, that person can help me see where I've been doing well, what could use some improvement and how that change can happen.

Alright, it's late & I should go to sleep. After all, Hal Hingdon has me charted to run 2 miles tomorrow.

Adaptation

Yesterday, I went for a 4 mi jog. It was tough (mile 3 was a lot of walk-jog intervals) but much more manageable than I would have anticipated.

Tonight, I looked at my calendar to prep myself for tomorrow, saw my plan from Runner's World, and thought, "Phew, only 2 miles tomorrow, awesome."

Was it really only late February when I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to do 2 miles? And now, less than 10 weeks later, it's ONLY 2 miles.

The human body amazes me. Every day, I've been getting stronger, adapting, evolving ... but because it's a daily process, I couldn't see it. It wasn't until I was given a formerly un-speakable task that I realized just how far I have come - both figuratively and literally.

speechless though my heart

I have a mildly addictive personality.
It's a characteristic that goes back as far as I can remember - I've always had some kind of fascination that has penetrated farther into my brain than its competitors.

The first example I can remember is acting, back when I was 13. I wanted nothing more than to act, I loved it, my favorite place in the world was the stage.
The next big love was country music, when I was 16. I knew every song Tim McGraw sang, I shared Brad Paisley CDs with the Vice Principal (this was back when burning CDs was cool), I saw Kenny Chesney EVERY time he came to town, I even taught myself Phil Vassar songs on the piano. My high school graduation invitation featured me in a cowboy hat.
As a college freshman, I fell hard for Greek life. I wasn't that interested when I pledged, but soon enough I was on the executive board and living in the sorority house. I wore my letters proudly & almost didn't travel to Europe because it hurt to leave the house.
Then as I was studying abroad, my new love became traveling. Everything was based around traveling. Friends followed me as I navigated towns I hadn't even heard of a year prior and when I met strangers in hostels, I hopped online to show them the cheap-travel websites I'd been browsing. I counted my life in euros, frequent flyer miles, maps checked off on my wall and time zone changes.
I finally got a "grown up job" and my new obsession became the Boston Red Sox. Because so many people are Sox-obsessed and I had to prove myself even harder due to my status as a "Pink Hat," I really allowed this addiction to run its course. I memorize stats, I inform strangers about probable pitchers for the upcoming homestand, I build my travel plans around where the Sox would be (in two years I've seen the Sox in 4 states). Hell, I even named my cat after my favorite player, because they both talk too much, have the same napoleon complex, and the cat is almost as hairy.

I try to guide and control my obsessions, but sometimes it feels like they become bigger than I am. I've tried in the past to make my interests - politics, yoga, wine, HIV/AIDS prevention, photography - into this level of addiction, but it's almost like they just don't take, for lack of a better term.

So why do I bring this up?
I could be totally wrong, but I think I'm finding my next Big Love: running.

I know I'm just getting started, but my brain is wrapping its head around this interest with an intensity that I haven't felt in years (since about February 2007, when the Sox reported to spring training). I'm re-arranging my schedule to fit in jogs - even waking up early, when I HATE mornings. I'm discovering websites to come up with new routes and techniques. I find myself hearing new songs and thinking how good they'd be on the road. I drive somewhere new and consider how nice it would be to run that path.

After I got that MNQ from the Peace Corps, I think I developed an unacknowledgeable fear that I would never feel that passionate intensity again. As I mentioned, I may be wrong and running may NOT be my Next Big Thing ... but it feels fantastic to be this excited about something new. I've previously alluded to my love for songs that really use the physicality of humanity to describe the thrill of Christianity and the song that comes to mind now is Charlie Hall's "Bravery" ... maybe the connection's only in my head, but WTF, this is my blog and IdowhatIwant.

And as we talked I was speechless [[though my heart pounded]]
And as we walked a little while I knew that I'd been found
And here I am no more disguised, no longer grounded
I see it clear: I am Yours. I am Yours.

And You are breath-taking and breath-giving.

Doesn't my heart burn within me?
Doesn't my heart burn within me?
Doesn't my heart burn within me?

Run - C25K W7D3

I tend to over-research, so back when I was starting this Couch-to-5K journey, I remember reading here that there seems to be a track record of dropping out after about 4-5 weeks.

I can see why. The last time I wrote was three weeks ago, when I was struggling through this very place where most people struggle. I definitely considered quitting and the knowledge that a great percentage of people quit at that point was of initial consolation to me. As my internal monologue and lack of blogging show, I was tired and disheartened and wasn't sure I'd be able to do it.

This morning I ran 2.58 miles. It took longer than the 25 minute alternative proposed by Cool Runnings (probably about 35 plus/minus for warmup/cooldown). It wasn't nonstop - I took a quick break at every red light and sometimes in between. Unfortunately I forgot to turn on my Nike+ at first and didn't realize it till I'd completed the first mile (that one was non-stop!!), so it's hard for me to gauge all my metrics (because my time on this should be ~ double) ... but that's ok.



W7D3 is the fouth day in the program of attempting to run 25 minutes without walking and it was the first days that I really felt like I was able to achieve that. I've been aching through the runs since about week 6 and today felt like a major victory.

I'm not pretending to be some glorious distance runner now that I'm over the hump of the C25K - by no means can I even fake that. However, I think there are some things that I can credit for helping me jump that particular hurdle and set me up for jumping future hurdles, such as:

- the C25K iPhone app - especially for those days of walk5-run5-walk3-run8-walk3-run5-walk5, it was SO helpful to zone out and wait for some to tell me "ding ding, run!"
- a Lenten resolution to run every other day. Aside from the time on the cruise ship when running made me a bit seasick, I've been pretty good at sticking to this. Even if the run sucked, the impetus behind it of making that Lenten sacrifice got me on the road when other things wouldn't have.
- a supplemental Lenten resolution to listen to only Christian music while running. The frequency resolution got me out the door, but this one kept me going ... because there's something about Charlie Hall singing "My dead heart now is beating / my deepest sins now clean / Your breath fills up my lungs / Now I'm free, now I'm free" or Ben Walther's "The soles of my shoes are worn right through / and I've walked the whole world searching for Your Face / I won't be far away."
- Nike+ is great for a metric nerd like me, who wants to know exactly how far I've run and what my pace is. And while I know it sometimes makes me seem faster than I am, it still gives me a fantastic gauge of my progress.

Alright, I'm out ... looking forward to W8D1 on Friday of a 28-minute straight run. Hopefully this time I'll remember to start the clock on my iPod so I don't have to corrupt the results to log my miles!

Run - C25K W4D3

Today was not easy. I was actually slated to do today's run on Tuesday, but I had to abort the mission because I'd eaten badly for lunch and so weight training took a lot out of me. I ate better today but apparently still not well enough, because I felt a bit nauseous during running, which just means that I need to plan ahead better.

I feel like this attempt at running is really teaching me a lot that I wasn't expecting. I mean, I would be happy with the physical side effects - increased cardiovascular health that will hopefully lead to increased stamina and muscle tone and decreased weight eventually. But I'm also gaining a lot of self-knowledge, for example:

* TIME MANAGEMENT: I can't eat like crap before trying to run. It just doesn't work. I need to plan ahead.
* EARLY TO BED, EARLY TO RISE: Now I see why so many people run in the morning ... it's much easier to run on an empty stomach.
* PACE YOURSELF: Today, especially on my first 5-minute interval, I started too fast ... and boy did I regret it somewhere around minute 3. Next 5-minute interval, I was ready for it and slowed down my starting pace to match my breathing. Much better.
* BACK-TO-BACK ISN'T ALWAYS BEST: My gym is structured in such a way that we are encouraged to weight-train for half an hour, then do half an hour of cardio while post-training metabolism is up. I started planning my running into this half an hour because it was cold outside and I didn't want to run outside, and it worked out well because the intervals weren't too strenuous. Well, now they're getting harder, so I think I need to split my weight training and my running. I'll still do post-weight cardio, but it will usually be less intense.

Today was my last day in Week 4, and while I wasn't entirely pleased with how I felt today, I think it was more about my eating habits than about my actual running. I'm looking forward to W5D1 for two reasons:
A) It is scheduled for Saturday morning, which is supposed to be sunny and dry, and I'll be able to run on an empty stomach (or almost empty, as I still haven't figured out what works best for me in the AM)
B) I'm intimidated by W5D3, but W5D1 is run5-walk3-run5-walk3-run5. And I'm excited about it because I KNOW I CAN DO IT. And that empowerment? That, my friends, can make all the difference.

Weekly weigh-in, 3/16

I have been a total blog-slacker. It's been three weeks since my last weekly weigh-in. In the middle of that time, I went on a cruise and gained back 2.5lbs - even though I was active, I decided it was ok to eat. A lot. And it is ... now I just need to take it off. So here's how it worked.

......... 3/2 ..... 3/9 ..... 3/16
Weight ... 192.0 .... 194.5 .... 193.5
BMI ...... 29.2 ...... 29.5 ..... 29.4
BF % ..... 35.4% ...... 35.8% .... 35.6%

All things considered, it could be a lot worse.
(Also, I know there a better way to do tables, but last time I tried that back in January it totally backfired, so I'm ok with lazy ellipses for now.)


On a different note, I'm once again annoyed by my scales. They have both been acting up like crazy, and I'm annoyed at the thought that I'll have to buy a THIRD scale because #1 and #2 both suck. I'm never buying anything made by Taylor again.

Run - C25K W4D2

As I've mentioned previously, I've been plugging along at the Cool Runnings Couch-to-5K Program. My attention to the program has been a bit lax due to weather conditions, but I've been getting much more consistent lately and I can definitely feel it in the way that my body is reacting to the program now.

I did W3D4 (shhhhh) on Wednesday and W5D1 on Friday, both of which were on a treadmill after weight training; on Thursday I went to an extended spinning class; yesterday I spent all day in grad classes and eating lots of delicious Indian food ... so when I woke up this morning, I was lazy and sore. Especially my lower abs. I was planning to go to weight training and then run, but my abs were practically screaming to me, begging, "No more butterfly crunches!" So I figured I'd take the day off from weights and instead just go for the run outside, especially as weather.com listed today's comfort level at an 8 (it had been hovering between 3-5 for weeks).

I really enjoyed my run today. Week Five has much longer jog times than I'm accustomed to, varying between 3 and 5 minute intervals, so I made a conscious effort to not worry about the speed in my jogs, instead just trying to get through the full length of time. (I think that's the hard part about the treadmill - I press too high for my jogs.)
I'm developing a newfound appreciation for my town, especially for its relatively flatness. I live about a mile from the Charles River so today I jogged up there and around the Upper Charles River path, which was different from just hitting residential streets. My total distance according to MapMyRun was 2.06 miles ... which means I should re-calibrate my iPod, which told me it was 2.37 mi.

One of the great parts about today's run was the music. Every year for Lent I tend to give up secular music ... a few years ago this pushed me into talk radio, which has made subsequent Lents considerably easier. However, I'm not one to run to podcasts, so I went through my Christian music selection to pick out some upbeat tunes4Jesus. My playlist, called "2 Tim 4:7" for the Scripture verse about "I have run the race, I have fought the fight," has a tendency to align with my needs. For example, my walking intervals often aligned with Charlie Hall (specifically the song "Running with Your Heart," which gave me strength because it no longer felt like I was running alone or that my heart was the only one pumping blood through my veins) and my running intervals tended to align with David Crowder Band - my last 5 minute interval was "Foreverandeverandever" followed by "We Win," both of which kicked my butt to continue onwards.

On a down note, my kitten got his paws - and even worse, his teeth - onto my favorite Sennheiser MX75 headphones! At first I was mad at my iPod Touch for not reacting to my prompts (another entry soon about the glorious iPod Touch!), so I went home to switch back to the Nano, and it was only then that I discovered the teeth marks. I had to pull out the backup headphones and remembered easily why I invested $50 in the MX75s to begin with. Guess I need to stop at the Apple store tomorrow after work ...

Running update

I'd heard about it happening in a variety of places.
I'd read about it on a number of blogs.
But I didn't really believe it would happen to me.

As I mentioned previously, I've been following the Cool Running Couch-to-5K program. My progress has been a bit jolted, though, as last Wednesday I came down with some crazy virus and I'm just starting to get back on my feet.

And when I say "jolted," I mean the gap between my "Week 2 Day 1" and "Week 2 Day 2" was about, oh, 8 days (2/11 and 2/19, respectively). I did Day 3 on 2/24 and figured that I would just keep going with Week 2 until I felt ready to move on, especially since I'm still hugely stuffy. I even labeled today's calendar as "Week 2 Day 4" and Saturday's run as "Week 2 Day 5."

But tonight I went in to do weights and the trainer put me on the treadmill between certain exercises for 90 second bursts. He didn't establish a pace, so I set my first burst at 5.0mph. My next was 5.2mph. And my last was 5.5mph. And the crazy thing? They didn't exhaust me. And that gave me hope.

So after the weight training, I got back on the treadmill and while I warmed up, I wondered if I was ready to move to Week 3. I hadn't even looked it up, but I thought it went something along the lines of "Run 1.5 min, Walk 1.5 min, Run 3 min, Walk 3 min" (turns out I was right, too, which is sorta cool). So I started my 90 second sprint, and when the 90 second rest was over, I was ready to push for 3 minutes. So I did. And at the end, I was tired. But I followed the sequence two more times ... then at the end, when I had only 10 minutes left on my treadmill somehow, I pushed through 2.5run/2.5walk twice.

And you know what?
It.
Felt.
Awesome.

In the month of February, I've logged 18.5 miles.
If you had told me last February that I would be able to do that, I wouldn't have believed you.

But I guess I'm learning to believe in a lot of unexpected things lately ...

Weekly check-in, Feb 23

Remembering to write on a Monday, like I always hope to? This could be a sign that a good habit is forming ...

After my realization last week that my scale has gone SCHIZO, I decided to go back to using BOTH scales for a short while, to see if that would yield any results. (Oh my scientific brain!) I know they've both had histories of being bizarrely erratic, so here they are side-by-side:

Old scale: 192.0 lbs, 29.2 BMI, 35.4% body fat
New scale: 199.2 lbs, 30.3 BMI, 36.1% body fat

Because I'm a huge fan of numbers and metrics, and because I gain motivation from seeing little victories, (and because I am a big nerd!,) I've been tracking my weight on BOTH of these scales at different times on different pieces of software. So I just plotted them out (again, because I am a big nerd), and here's the spread:

For a while there, it seemed like the NEW scale (pink) was simply more accurate ... but I'm suddenly really glad I kept the oldie in order to have some continuity.



Who knew trying to track weight loss could be THIS tricky?!

Regardless, there is some great news in here:

- This calms my mind about weight fluctuation. Chances are, it's not my body doing weird things; it's the flipping scale having a panic attack!
- For all intents and purposes, I lost 7 lbs this week. I feel like a contestant on "The Biggest Loser!" (the kind who would get kicked off for not getting double-digits, but so what?) Since I haven't amended my goal of 164 by 12/31, that makes my goal graph much more comfortable to view:

Even if I continue to lose weight at my current pace (approx .75/wk), this eases me into my goal in early November. If I can bump it up to 1lb/wk, that'll be late August. Score!



- I can take a picture on my cruise next week (OMG it's next week!) for my 195-191 picture on my wall (I don't think I've mentioned this, but I'm taking pictures of my face as I lose weight so I can see the slow progression of a decreasing double chin and increasing facial definition).

Alright, I think that's it for this week. Hopefully I won't have any more calamities of the scale this year ... and if I do, the next one CERTAINLY won't be Taylor brand!

Reality Check

I know I may have come off sounding hard on myself last entry. I am annoyed at these up-and-down weight changes from the past year (above, against my goal for the year), but I need to remember that in the long run, each time I go up, I am still a little less than my last "up" ... and while I may be "behind" schedule this week, I could easily be ahead next week.

I also want to point out that this isn't typical for me. I also ran a weight report for the last 12 months and it looks like this:



In other words, this yo-yo thing has really only cropped up recently. And see that big jump around the beginning of the year? That was when I switched scales, because my first scale was schitzing out in a different way - one minute I would be 180lbs and the next I would be 205lbs. Then again, this past week it read me at 193, which would be reasonable weight loss on track with what I was doing last year ... maybe it's worth looking into ...

Weigh-in, Feb 16

Body Weight: 199.0 lbs.

Change since last week: +2.4lbs (Change in two weeks: -1.8lb)

Total Body Fat: 36.1%

Body composition: 71.8 lbs fat/127.2lbs lean

Total Body Water: 47.6%

Body Mass Index: 30.3

Total loss, 2009: -3.2lbs (Avg/wk: -.53lb/wk)

Ok, not gonna lie, this yo-yo-ing is getting sort of old.
I know the reason why it increased this month - I was at a week-long training, so I ate out for lunch and spent an additional 1.5 hours in the car daily. Fair excuse. Valid excuse.

But do you know the problem with excuses? They don't solve the problem - they validate it. I can make plenty of excuses this week.
"But I was socializing with classmates!"
"But my days were long and I was tired!"
"But the facilitator passed out candy!"
"But I was too busy with homework to track my calories!"

Enough. The only thing these buts did for me was to expand mine. (Butt, that is. Oh yeah, I went there.)

So for the next two weeks, until that butt of mine is in Miami, it will be in gear. It will be running, down-dogging and squatting. It will be getting tanned and toned, not flabby and pasty.

Earlier this month, I turned 25 ... and it was a wake-up call that I need to start paying attention to and taking responsibility for all my actions. All of them, even the ones that I don't like.



On the bright side, while I was in training I met up with some classmates that I hadn't seen in a while. One of them who hadn't seen me in two months looked me up and down for about ten seconds and then clapped her hands and said, "That's what it is. You've lost weight! Your face, it's just more ... defined. What have you been doing? You look fabulous." And that? That made it all (almost) worthwhile.

Weigh-in, Feb 9

As I watch "The Biggest Loser," I realize that I didn't post this week. I know no one is reading, but I need to be accountable to myself and know that this information is publicly available:

Body Weight: 196.6 lbs.

Change since last week: -4.2lbs (Change in two weeks: -1lb)

Total Body Fat: 35.3%

Body composition: 69.4 lbs fat/127.2lbs lean

Total Body Water: 48.0%

Body Mass Index: 29.9

Total loss, 2009: -4.6lbs (Avg/wk: -.75lb/wk)

Exciting metrics:
- My BMI officially slid from Obese to Overweight! Ok, I did this before, on my other scale, before it went totally crazy and told me I weighed 60lbs. And there's a chance I could sneak back up, but don't plan on that, yo.
- It is crazy how much my weight has been fluctuating this year. When I look back at my weight charts for the last quarter of 2008, my weight loss was either steady or plateaued - I never had this up-and-down before! I guess it is a reminder that this is a long-term plan, not a quick fix ... therefore I need to stick with it, even when I'm up 3.2lbs in one week, because I can be down 4.6 the next.
- I think that's why I looked at the average lost in the past six weeks. If I can keep up a .75 loss weekly, I will make it to that next BMI range, from "Overweight" to "Healthy," by the end of 2009. A weekly loss of .75/wk will get me to 164 ... and so far I am 1.8lbs ahead of schedule.

Alright, that's it for now ... unless something fantastically motivating happens and I need to share!

New personal best

Yes, I was way too forgiving in the last post. The reason why? Running.

I know I used to quote my favorite local band, "I only run when I'm being chased." Ironically, that band's music has become my most motivating running music. I actually told the lead singer when I last saw him that he's like a second personal trainer.

I used to think I hated running; turned out I just hated running on a treadmill. So last fall I got myself a Nike+ and started running in the morning before work and I wouldn't say that I loved the actual running, but I enjoyed the sense of accomplishment before I even really began my day, and I liked exploring my new neighborhood on foot. I even started the Cool Running "Couch-to-5K program" so that I wouldn't overextend myself ... then the weather got colder and I hung up my running shoes - well that's a lie, I still use them for cross-training, just stopped running outside.

Then about 2 weeks ago at the gym, I found myself on the treadmill, doing interval drills and not hating myself in the process. A few possibilities why:
A. I used to get shoulder pain from the impact of the treadmill, but I think my shoulder has gotten stronger through weight training and is less susceptible to injury.
B. I am carrying less weight, so it is easier to propel myself forward.
C. My heart is stronger and running doesn't tire me out the way that it used to.

I had planned to re-begin the Couch-to-5K when the weather got nice, like mid-March ... but I had a realization that there was no need to wait anymore, I could start on the treadmill.

So I did.

And yesterday? Yesterday I hit my personal best time for the mile: 13:32. I ran 2.34 miles in 31'43". And at the end, I wasn't even all that exhausted. In fact, I felt awesome.

The best part of it all is that yesterday was my personal best - that I'm going to try to beat tomorrow. And next Tuesday and next Thursday, as I get into week 2 and my sprints get longer while my resting decreases.

I never thought I would enjoy running this much. I guess I still have a few tricks up my sleeve.

Twenty five is going to be a good year.

Weekly check-in, 2/2

I know, four days late to post Monday's numbers. I'm calling birthday pass.

Body Weight: 199.0 lbs.

Change since last week: +1.4lbs

Total Body Fat: 36.3%

Body composition: 72.2 lbs fat/126.8lbs lean

Total Body Water: 47.2%

Body Mass Index: 30.5

Two excuses:
1. Birthday celebration!
2. Got the period.

I'm gonna be forgiving about this one ... this time.

Weekly check-in, 1/26

Body Weight: 197.6 lbs.

Change since last week: -4 lbs (this would alarm me if I hadn't gained 2.4 last week, for a net loss of 1.6lbs over two weeks, or .8lb/wk)

Total Body Fat: 35.4%

Body composition: 70.0 lbs fat/127.6lbs lean

Total Body Water: 49.7%

Body Mass Index: 30

I am feeling pretty great about this week. It's not necessarily the weight loss that is most thrilling (though it feels good to not have a huge jump again) ... the most exciting part for me is actually the decrease in body fat. Yes, technically I lost 4 lbs this week ... but it was actually 4.5 lbs of body fat. Yes, it's only a 1.6lb loss in the past two weeks ... but that was ALL fat. I actually gained some muscle in the process, too, which rules.

I know it may not seem like a huge deal, but I am excited for two reasons:
1. It means I am losing weight the right way. It is not just water weight or loss of muscle - it is burning fat while getting stronger.
2. I didn't work out that much this week. Normally, I try to work out 3-4 days weekly, but due to a crazy work schedule, I only got their twice. And still, weight loss! I am now even more excited about getting back to the gym ...

Jan 18 Weight

Body Weight: 201.6 lbs.

Change since last week: +2.4 lbs

Total Body Fat: 37.0%

Body composition: 74.5 lbs fat/127.1lbs lean

Total Body Water: 47.6%

Body Mass Index: 30.6

I could come up with excuses (I weighed at 9 instead of 6:30!) but in a sense, excuses like that are how I got to 200 lbs in the first place.

For lack of a better term, I really fell off the wagon this week. I didn't push myself during cardio, but even worse, I let myself fall into some old eating habits (crappy food, not tracking online, etc).

But I'm not gonna let the 2.4lbs get me down. In fact, I'm off to the gym now. :)

Jan 11 Weekly weigh-in

Ok, it's Tuesday. I took measurements on Sunday and weight on Monday, but forgot to post. I'll get better at this in time ...

Body Weight: 199.2 lbs.

Change since last week: -3.0 lbs

Total Body Fat: 36.0%

Body composition: 71.7 lbs fat/127.5lbs lean

Total Body Water: 47.4%

Body Mass Index: 30.3

Virtual model

Trying out this "My Virtual Model" thing as a motivation tool.

The first is my highest weight(230), then my current weight(200), then a goal weight(150).

The dress is really cute too ... I might hafta make a trip to H&M!

Goals for 2009

In the past year, I have made great strides in decreasing my Body Mass Index. I wasn't too keen on looking at that number a year ago, but I assume I was somewhere in the range of 33-34. As I write now, I am on the verge of breaking my 30-plateau, and moving from "obese" down to "overweight." (I actually already broke the plateau, but then my scale broke & my new scale, which is significantly more accurate, kicked me back up 4 lbs! Tragedy!)

My goal for 2009 is to make it from that "overweight" BMI (current weight is 202.2 lbs) down to "healthy" BMI, which for my height (68") is 165 lbs. In order to do that, I'll have to average .75 lbs weekly weight loss, which is definitely attainable.

I also take my measurements on a weekly basis, usually on Sunday nights. I've been doing this since September 2008 (when I started personal training), and so far I've lost 15.25 inches overall.
In general, I want this blog to be about moving forward, but I am proud of my progress since that point, so I'll post it this once:

	Sept 1, 2008	Jan 4, 2009	Change in 4 mo
Neck	16	14.75	-1.25
Bust *	44.5	42	-2.5
Chest *	42	38.75	-3.25
Bicep	13.5	13.25	-.25
Forearm	11.25	10.5	-.75
Waist	37	35	-2
Hip	45	42.75	-2.25
Thigh	27	24.75	-2.25
Calf	17	16.25	-.75

* I consider my bust to be straight across the boobs and the chest to be the under-boob. Yes, those are the technical terms.

Purpose of blog

or the past nine months, I've been on a mission to take my weight loss initiative seriously, but it's really within the past 4 months that the work has started to pay off. I had a net loss of 15 pounds in 2008 (it fluctuated a lot on the way!) and by the end, I was finally good at tracking what I was eating and exactly how I was losing.

I was doing it all quite privately - spreadsheets in a hidden file of my computer to track changes in weight and inches. I could feel positive changes in my body - more energy, easier breathing, sleeping more soundly, craving healthier foods - and wanted to glorify in these changes ... but I had no place to share my victories.

So that's what this blog will be. I won't be promoting heavily, nor do I expect a lot of people to stumble onto it ... but that's ok. I used to blog a lot in college and I love looking back on my thoughts & beliefs at the time.

My goal is to write on a weekly basis. I know that the process of getting healthier is a "slow and steady" process, and I'm willing to commit to that. So here we go!